Body Parts Can Make or Break Sex

Over coffee I asked a friend what she found attractive about her boyfriend. A dreamy look crossed over her eyes while she explained his thighs were like tree trunks. Excitedly, she went on to say how she loved to watch him do squats at the gym with a lot of weight on the barbell because it made the veins in his legs and arms stand out. Luckily she was too far gone in her lust fueled daydream to notice my gagging reflex start up.

It raised a good question. Why is that it every person has a favorite body part? If I lined ten people up side by each, why would you only find (maybe) one of those people attractive? Would it be their round butt, long legs, expressive eyes or something else?

Every human is built with pretty much with the same equipment: two arms, legs, eyes, ears, etc. And yet, a slight variation in height and weight can mean the difference between you choosing to have sex with them or not.

Case in point: for three years, my ex-roommate and I deflected well intentioned “help” from our family and friends. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple and could not understand why we did not become romantically involved.

It was true. We had a relationship most marriages would envy. We thought the other attractive and intellectually stimulating; plus, we had similar interests, values, political and religious beliefs. Save a few minor squabbles, it was a very happy three-year relationship.

The challenge? My ex-roommate prefers Rubenesque, Marilyn Munroe- type women—I, on the other hand am the president of the more than a handful is a waist club. He would often tell me I was much too skinny for his taste (you can see the reason we got along so well).

On the flip side, my ex-roommate’s physique is one of a body builder: huge arms, chest and shoulders. Although I appreciate—but truthfully do not find attractive—his rippling biceps and tripling triceps, the deal breaker for me was that he has absolutely no butt. Zilch. Nadda. Flat as a pancake.

On paper, it was a good match; yet, in person, there was zero chemistry. All because the way my body is composed and the way his body is composed were not in the proportion to what we sought in a mate.

Over the years, I have heard many a theory bandied around. Leg-men grow up playing around their mothers’ feet, always looking up at her long legs. Boob men were breastfed (or was it they were not breastfed?) and therefore had an obsession with reconnecting with their inner child. Women like a tall man because her father was a powerful figure in her life.

Very interesting theories without much substance. We are, in fact, driven plain and simple by biology. We seek out a partner whom we feel has the best gene pool mix, so that, when we mate, it will produce the finest possible offspring.

Our propensity to make this selection is driven by a tiny nub at the base of our brain called the hypothalamus. When you see a person that is a good genetic fit, your hypothalamus is stimulated to create sensations of elevated heart rate, perspiration and general feelings of sexual arousal.

Theorists contend that men look for women who are healthy and young. This includes women with full lips, clear skin and eyes, lustrous hair and good muscle tone; as well, she will display traits such as lively facial expressions and a bouncy step. It is held that healthy young women are best able to reproduce and then rear children after birth.

Women are more pragmatic (go figure?). As a woman will only have 400 reproductive eggs to dole out in her lifetime, she is attracted to a man who will give her security and longevity. This translates to men who have an athletic, muscular form, making him a good hunter and protector against saber-toothed tigers.

When we do find a good genetic match, it is like two Lego pieces interlocking and clicking easily into place. Have you ever looked at two “unattractive” people and thought they were a handsome and well-matched couple? Or, conversely, looked at two beautiful people and thought they were all wrong for each other?

As humans, we do have the ability to transcend all of this and fall in love with someone based on their intelligence, values and/or the solid foundation of friendship. What we cannot control is the intangible lure which ignites the mysterious spark, helping a couple with their sexual desire over the long haul.

I guess our body part preference comes down to the ambiguity of life. It is not for us to ask why; it is simply for us to enjoy when we see it walking past.

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This article was published on Wednesday 10 January, 2007.