Any Comments On Me Withholding Sex On My Husband?

Well, Ella, I wish I could tell you that I see where you're coming from, but I don't. I'm shocked at how often I see sex and emotions used as a currency between two people who apparently care about each other. There is nothing wrong with communicating to your partner that you wish he/she could be more romantic, considerate, affectionate, or any other thing you feel as if you're missing. However, to play the game of "I'm going to get what I want or else" is rather juvenile as well as controlling, and can be handled in different - and better - ways.

Perhaps you'd be better served by revealing to your partner how you felt during the times he was fulfilling your emotional needs.

Explain how important it made you feel and how close you felt at that time, not just emotionally, but physically as well. What I guess will happen is that he will probably notice - and if he doesn't, you may mention it - that at those times, your physical life also flourished. I also suspect that once he isn't locked into the "sex is only a reward" struggle with you anymore, you both shall grow together, sexually and emotionally.

Sex and love are both rewards of believing in something greater than yourself, but they are not rewards in the same sense you reward a dog for doing a new trick. That is an important difference. Once anything becomes an ultimatum, consequence, duty, or reward system between two people, there will be trouble. It's no surprise that you've been arguing about this for 23 years.

Stop it.