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Why does my guy always want anal sex?

Dear Sex Doc,

Whenever my boyfriend and I have intercourse, he asks me if he can put his penis in my "rectum." I don't really feel comfortable with this request and I am wondering what risks are involved and whether this is normal? Many of my friends are wondering the same thing so please respond.

Anti-Anal Girl

Dear Anti-Anal Girl,

So your “rectum” is off limits. Then you are consistent with about 70% of other heterosexuals out there. But, the other 30% have tried anal sex at least once.

Anal sex is perfectly ‘normal’ if that’s what both individuals want to engage in. What isn’t normal, is your boyfriend asking to have anal sex every time you have sex.

There are a few reasons your guy wants to try anal. Many people want to experiment sexually with what society classifies as forbidden or taboo.

Experts say that anal is the new oral. That is, a couple of decades back (maybe in your parents sexual heyday), going down on someone was viewed as dirty too.

We know now that oral is about as vanilla as plain toast. Your guy wants to try anal so he can join the ranks of the new sexual explorers.

He might also be looking for praise or kudos from his friends cause he’s been able to convince you to do something that not all girls agree to. This may also give him a slight feeling of dominance over you, something that some guys like.

Another common reason us sex experts hear guys want to explore anal sex is because the rectum is much tighter than the vagina. This is usually BS, especially if you women practice Kegels.

There are a number of risks associated with anal sex, which you and your girlfriends need to be aware of Anti-Anal Girl. And, for the record, most of these risks are also concerns for couples of all sexual orientations.

The rectal lining is extremely delicate and can be easily torn. This makes the receptive individual more likely to get infections or irritations.

Whenever a rip or tear occurs in the rectum (or vagina) we need to be concerned about blood-borne pathogens including HIV and the Hepatitis virus. So it is extra important to use condoms to protect both partners from these and other STIs.

And for any of you women out there who are having unprotected anal sex cause you think you won’t get pregnant, you’d better think again. Although the likelihood of getting pregnant is small, it can still happen.

No, there is no way that internally sperm can reach an egg through the rectum. The gastrointestinal system is completely separate from the urogenital system.

However, if a man doesn’t wear a condom (or if the condom breaks), most of the ejaculate will seep out of the anus and could end up near the vaginal opening. If his sperm are still alive and swimming and if just one can muster enough strength to get to your ovum, you might get pregnant.

Anti-Anal Girl, what concerns me here is that your guy repeatedly asks you for anal sex, even though it sounds like you’ve made it very clear you ain’t goin’ down that road.

Though he might want to expand his sexual repertoire, you need to be sure about what you do and do not want to try.

It sounds like you’re pretty clear that you don't want to try anal. And, that is your personal choice. You own your body. Don’t ever be coerced into doing something you are not comfortable with.

And if your partner continues pressuring you to try anal, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. A loving and caring partner is someone who respects your boundaries and doesn’t try to make you do things you are not comfortable with.

If your guy is understanding, he’ll back off the anal stuff. If he doesn’t, dump him and find someone who isn’t obsessed with anal.

Best regards,

Dr. Brian Parker

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This article was published on Saturday 23 December, 2006.

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