How to Have Baby Making Sex

“Yet some people continue to assume that parents are only having sex to reproduce—or alternately, that once you become parents, you forget how to have sex for any other reason!” Cathy Winks and Anne Semans, Sexy Mamas

It was a pretty routine day. Then, mid-morning, my all-time favorite boss received a phone call from his wife. In less than a minute, he was running out the door with a sketchy explanation as to where he was going. Since it was a small office, we all knew that he going home to have sex with his wife.

Taking messages was a bit tricky: “I’m sorry, so-and-so is not available as he is at home copulating with his wife.” When he came back to work, we all wanted to ask, “Well how’d it go?” But, judging by his flushed cheeks, we all knew the answer.

You see, his wife had difficulty ovulating and, after months of tracking, it happened that morning. She was a woman on a mission to have a baby, and heaven help my ex-boss if he had been busy in a meeting. Happily, they had a beautiful baby boy nine months later.

Baby Sex. It has been my experience that women become different people when they are trying to conceive. It is like a robotic chip has been placed in their brains and they become baby-making machines.

“I just love baby sex” a girlfriend confided. When asked why, she went on to explain that she felt liberated not having to worry about contraception. She also mentioned that her libido had gone through the roof and that she and her husband had not had that much sex for a long time.

Always happy to hear people enjoying their sexuality, I still had to caution her. The focus and determination many women have to get pregnant can backfire if they are not successfully pregnant in the first six to eight months.

Essentially, the innate female need to get pregnant—especially for those whose biological clock is screaming “TICK TOCK”—can push sexuality from pleasure making to marathon sport.

I have visions of women behaving like Charlotte from “Sex and the City”. Determined to get pregnant, one episode showed Charlotte having sex with her husband while talking about which guests to invite to their dinner party. Sex had become a means to an end and her husband Trey simply a sperm donor.

When women are in the baby-making zone and conception does not happen in the first three months, their determination can wear down. The disappointment of trying so hard and “failing” can dampen their zealous mood. After six or eight months, disappointment and failure can turn into stressed-out and distraught feelings.

If there is no proper communication between the couple to express how they are feeling, the ability to be sexual with one another can be seriously jeopardized.

So here is the deal on helping to keep your sexuality and sensuality intact while trying to conceive. First and most importantly, relax.

I realize telling a woman who is in baby making sex mode to relax is like telling an angry person to stop being so angry. Yet, staying calm and not taking this stage in your life too seriously will help you, help your partner and ultimately help your relationship. Then, when a baby does come, instead of dealing with an infant and a sex life that has fallen apart, you only have to deal with the newborn.

Please say these words with me: “I am not in control.”

With healthy couples, there are a multitude of things that must occur for conception to take place. If everything is done right, the chances of conception are about 25%. This percentage drops to 15 when the couple is in their late twenties.

Just one factor of this equation is the sperm having to find the egg. After finding the cervical opening, they then have to climb all the way up the uterus to the fallopian tubes. Then sperm must find the egg and, after all that exertion, jab themselves against the wall of the female egg. That is a lot of work for a single-cell sperm.

As you can see, this whole process is out of the couple’s control. Certainly, there are things a couple can do to help conception along, like lie still for half an hour after copulation.

However, I believe the most important thing a couple can do is to keep a healthy attitude and perspective when conception has not taken place for that month. Worrying and fretting are not going to make the sperm and egg come together any quicker. It will stress out the couple, decreasing the chance for conception. It will also make it less desirable to keep trying.

If conception has not taken place after 12 months of unprotected, regular intercourse, it is time to seek guidance from a medical professional.

So relax and enjoy your baby-making sex.

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This article was published on Tuesday 11 December, 2007.