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How do I know if I'm gay?

Dear Sex Doc,

You’ve got to help me Sex Doc because I’m really confused. I’m a 20 year old guy and I’m attracted to my best friend. The problem is that he’s a guy too. I think I might be gay, but how do I know for sure?

Orientation Overload

Dear Orientation Overload,

Thanks for having the courage to send me an email and ask this question. I know it can be difficult and scary as hell to be confused about your sexual orientation.

When I’m asked this question in a classroom I’ll generally ask the individual “what do you fantasize about when you masturbate?” Now Orientation Overload, this might seem a little simple, but generally it is a good indicator of whether or not we want to have sex with men, women, or both.

And I know it’s not all about sexual attraction, because an individual’s sexual orientation is their physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual attraction to an individual of the opposite sex, same sex, or both sexes. So OO, where do you stand?

If you find yourself head over heels about your best guy friend you might be gay. However, many young guys who end up identifying as straight have a strong emotional connection with a buddy in their teens or early twenties. In fact, lots of young guys play more than Tiddly Winks with their buddies. Same-sex play is perfectly normal and natural, especially in adolescence, and it does not mean that individual will be homosexual in adulthood.

OO, the most important thing to realize is that you are perfectly normal regardless if you want to have sex with guys and/or girls. I’m pretty sure that you’ll figure out your orientation over time. You’re 20, you have lots of wonderful years ahead of you with whoever you choose to snuggle up with.

And OO, if you are struggling with your sexual orienation you might want to speak to a counsellor or therapist. And, most larger cities have a Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered Resource Centre that could help you figure out your orientation as well.

Best regards,

Dr. Brian Parker

Up: Sexual Orientation - Next: My friend does drag. Does he want to be a woman?

This article was published on Saturday 23 December, 2006.

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