I am sure I'm not the only woman in the world to suffer from this, but I'm just not very orgasmic. I was brought up in a Catholic family, Catholic School, etc., and I have always had guilty feelings about sex and especially masturbation. I feel like sex is something that I can eventually have when I'm married and want kids but masturbation is bad forever. I tried it a little bit but know that I haven't had an orgasm since I really didn't even know what I was doing.
I don't really know how other women do it and I've had no education about things like that. I didn't even know what a tampon was until I moved to the United States let alone how other people masturbate. All my friends seem like they're experts at it and I can tell how great they are at it but I could never ask how they do it. Where can I learn how?
- Maria G., San Antonio, TX
You don't have to go anywhere to find out. All you have to do is find some privacy and explore your body to find out what feels best for you. Masturbation is one of the most natural things a person can do, and opens the doors to a life full of positive sexual feelings and experiences. In fact, when a person goes to sex therapy, you can bet that every time, the therapist will inquire about their masturbation history; it's that key.
A huge ingredient to accomplishing what you want to do is going to be really difficult - you are going to have to try to deprogram yourself and some of that guilty, religious upbringing. I'm not asking you to be a heathen and abandon anything else about religion that you don't want to abandon, but that guilt of yours is one of the largest obstacles to truly enjoying your body and making the most of sexual pleasure. Rid your mind of that traditional religious opposition to pleasurable sexual feelings and actions.
One book that I'll recommend to use in conjunction with this is "For Yourself : The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality" by Lonnie Barbach. It was written in the mid-70's, but it still holds up for the most part. Some readers criticize the book for being a bit dated, but if you know as little about your body and technique as it sounds like you do, then this book will be a really good start. You don't mention if you're learning with or without a partner (I suggest you learn about yourself first and foremost, whatever your situation), but this book has information about both.
Welcome, in advance, to the world of orgasm.
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Next: How Can I Get My Erections Back?
This article was published on Sunday 17 October, 2010.
