Is It Just American Girl Feeling Awkward With Porn Ideas?

Sometimes I really love when people write in with these kinds of questions. It takes all kinds.

It sounds like ol’ Travis here has been watching a little bit too much porn and thinking it is real life. Travis, they sell these films because they’re a bit of a fantasy, not an accurate slice of American life. You might ask your girlfriend to do that sort of thing occasionally, but to expect it every time is both selfish and unreasonable, whether you go Euro or even Antartican. I’ll make a list in honor of your ignorance.

1. The Missionary position does not exist.
2. Indian and Asian men are only fabled, much like the Sasquatch
3. Anal sex is always easy, neat, and clean. In fact, women want it almost every time, especially after working out.
4. Gag reflex? What’s that?
5. Cum tastes like cheesecake and Creamsicles.
6. Female cops are not only hot, but would rather fuck you than give you a ticket, you poor speeder, you. Male cops would rather get a blow job than reach their quota.
7. All your favorite films have pornographic equivalents. The unique storytelling and tremendous imagination of Quentin Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction barely misses a beat once it’s redone as Pulp Friction. The same goes for Saving Ryan’s Privates, Caddy Shackers, and Meet the Fuckers.

8. Penises come in nothing under six inches and boobs start at C cups and work upward from there.

8. Cultures and races are interchangeable. A single woman can star in a Hot Latina Teenagers, Hot Black Teenagers, and Hot Asian Teenagers videos.
9. Nurses don’t wear scrubs. They wear tiny miniskirts with things hanging out left, right, up, and down.
10. Pubic hair? What’s that?
11. Blondes? Whores. Brunettes? Whores. Redheads? Don’t even ask.
12. Pulling out is something men do every time. Every time, I say!
13. Anything a woman can physically lift off the ground, she would be willing to put inside of herself.
14. Women orgasm on command if you put “baby” on the end of your sentence.
15. Who needs condoms when you have friends like these?
16. Women aren’t bi-curious. They are bi-insistent.
17. Her period? What’s that?
18. SAT Prep Courses are for suckers, man! Getting a good grade is only a matter of asking for “extra credit.”
19. Everything can be turned into an erotic prop. Who puts a studded cock ring on a leash and tells someone they’re walking a dog?
20. Women don’t really expect to find a penis inside a man’s pants when they unzip it. Hence the look of pleasant surprise on their face.
21. If 1 penis is good, 2 is better. If 2 is good, 3 is just what the doctor ordered. 4 gets you a tax break because you, lady, are impressive.

I probably could give you a top 23, but what do you expect for these prices?