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How do I know if my boyfriend is cheating on me?

Dear Sex Doc,

Okay, I’m not neurotic or anything, but I’m sure my boyfriend is cheating on me. He’s being really weird with me and it doesn’t seem like he likes me anymore. I’ve seen him with some of his girl friends and I swear they are talking about me behind my back. How do I know if he is cheating?

Only Slightly Neurotic

Dear Only Slighty Neurotic,

So you think your guy is diddling the neighbour, his ex, or your sister? You never know, he may be doing some hotty, but you’d better not accuse him of doing it until you get all the facts.

Many guys do cheat – 21% admit to cheating on their partners compared to only 11% of girls.

Proving your guy is sneaking around isn’t always the easiest thing to find out, but here’s some signs that might help you discover if your guy is cheating.

The most common sign he’s found another playmate is when he becomes disinterested in having sex with you. He will probably seem emotionally distant in and out of the bedroom and stop pawing at you like a sex crazed lunatic.

When a partner moonlights their daily routine generally changes. So, if your guy’s suddenly saying he’s ‘studying’ at the library till midnight every night, you might want to pop by to make sure he ain’t learning about the internal anatomy of some girl.

And OSN, if your guy is acting suspicious, he might be double dipping. If he has a hard time looking you in the eye, you’d better run cause he’s no doubt hiding something from you.

Has he accused you of cheating on him? People who play musical beds often do this to try and hide their guilt and shame and to send blame elsewhere.

If your guy suddenly starts to take better care of his appearance he might be having sex elsewhere. So, if he’s all-of-a-sudden trimming his unruly bush, there’s probably another set of eyes on his genitals.

OSN, the most important thing to do in this situation is to listen to your gut instinct. If your gut is telling you he's cheating, you’d better confront him.

These are some of the signs, but many of these can happen naturally in the course of a relationship. So OSN, the only way to really find out if he’s cheating is to ask him.

Say something like “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little distant lately. Is there something you’d like to talk about?” You could add, “are you happy with our relationship?”

You might get an answer, but trying to get most guys to talk about relationship stuff is about as much fun as having a raging case of crabs.

He might not tell you the truth, so you’re gonna have to listen to your gut instinct. Remember, relationships are built on trust and open and honest communication. If you don’t have this, you might want to move on.

And, to be honest OSN, if your guy is good at covering up his ‘dirty dick’ tracks, you might not really know he is cheating on you unless you catch him with his pants down.

So OSN, it is important to always use condoms with your partner even if you ‘think’ you are monogamous. Since 16% of people cheat, your partner might be bringing lots of nasty STIs into your relationship from their outside tricks.

Best regards,

Dr. Brian Parker

Up: Relationships - Next: Why do nice guys always finish last?

This article was published on Friday 22 December, 2006.

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