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Laugh Out Loud in Your Bedroom

“It’s okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don’t point.” Will Durst

Apparently, sex is fun. I say apparently because a lot of people do not seem to have much fun during sex. Or at least the feedback I get from longer-term couples is that sex has become a little stale to the point of being boring. In fact, a billion (plus) industry was created to show couples how to spice up their sex lives and make it a little more exciting.

I was doing an interview with a reporter from Cosmopolitan magazine. The title of the article was “Soulful Sex”, the premise being how a woman can be more present during her sexual experience. For which I am a zealous advocate.

Justifiably, to give the article balance, the reporter interviewed a few other experts. One felt that, in order to have a full and transported sexual experience, everyone taking part had to be Silent!

The New York reporter asked for my reaction or feelings towards Silent! sex. Unfortunately, my media-trained censor for stupid questions was shut off and my laughing response was, “You’re joking!”

“Oh, no, no, no,” the reporter sincerely replied. She politely explained that sex, without the moaning and groaning to distract, allows the couple to really focus and home in on what is going on. Therefore, Silence! enables the couple to be fully and completely present with their lover. “Riiiiight,” I replied cautiously while thinking, “Or go to sleep quicker.”

I believe different opinions make the world go around. Maybe some young ladies reading that Cosmopolitan article will find true Zen happiness in Silent! sex. Yet I cannot help but think how too many people want to break out of that dull sex trap.

The couples who I admire and model my own marriage after, the ones who have a great relationship and great sex over the long term, are far from silent. Moreover, every day they laugh, play and, most importantly, have fun together—loud and proud.

In particular, one girlfriend life’s journey has given her more bumps than smooth roads. Although she does not, she has every right to complain and take life a little too seriously.

She really (REALLY) enjoys sex. Why? She believes sex is a treat. It is one of the few times in her challenging life that she can have a good old belly laugh and play like she did when she was young. In her words, “Sex is my grown up fun time.”

I wish I could duplicate whatever sex-is-fun DNA gene she was given at birth—that way I could inject the secret sex formula into millions of couples. Then, as Yoda would say, “A very rich woman I would become.”

Yet experiencing this joie de vivre from sex is not a lifelong pilgrimage only the truly worthy will struggle with and find—as some books I have read would have you believe. It is just the opposite. It is as simple as lightening up the atmosphere in your bedroom.

Let’s look at the average couple’s serious bedroom sex scene. They have: very little to no talking, no changing up of the old and tired sex routine, certainly no laughing, no toys, no games, no nothing. Silent! sex.

Does this make you want to run to the bedroom and throw off your clothes? Yawn. Me neither. Curling up with a favorite book elicits more stimulation. It is easy to understand why over time, a couple’s priorities such as kids, work, or hobbies often take precedent because these activities are plainly more inspiring.

How can you create grown up fun with your partner? Not to be a cop-out, but everyone’s version of what constitutes a good time is different. Creating a fun-space means sitting down with your partner and (surprise) communicating about what the two of you find enjoyable and how you will make time.

Please do not feel overwhelmed about reinventing the wheel. There are hundreds of people who have already figured this out for you. Off the top of my head, I can list ten couple’s bedroom games that are meant to incite romance. There are a plethora of books at your local bookstore that give step-by-step instructions.

There are so many options, the hard part for you will be choosing. The trick is you have to: (1) go and find it; (2) be willing to break the Silent! sex routine and; (3) not take your life-long sex so seriously.

Sex is deeply meaningful. Being able to have grown up fun time makes sex more enjoyable, something you will want to experience often. Ergo, you are focused and present and will enable the super important deep connection to transpire.

Do your sex life a favor: lighten up and laugh out loud in your bedroom.

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This article was published on Tuesday 11 December, 2007.

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