Letter to all Women

As I wrote a letter to men explaining that sex has a beginning, middle and end, to keep it fair I need to write a letter to women on behalf of men to not be so uptight.

Dear Women:

Are you making sex fun or not fun? I have put together a checklist to find out places where you are entertaining in the sack and maybe where you could lighten up.

Checklist #1 Do you say words like “don’t”, “no”, or “I’m not interested in that” when your guy shows affection or suggests doing something different? ___Fun—A woman who appreciates her partner’s efforts and is open to trying new ideas.

___Not Fun—A woman who constantly rejects her partner because she is scared of looking silly.

Watch your body language when your partner shows affection. Do you roll your eyes, sigh, or tense up? Appreciate his gestures even if you are not interested in sex at that precise moment. Humans can only take so much rejection.

Plus, the next time your partner suggests something new, consider if the good girl/ bad girl societal dogma is stopping you from something you might enjoy.

Checklist #2 Do you worry too much about what you like when naked? ___Fun—A woman who does not care if her wobbly bits are jiggling as long as she is having a good time.

___Not Fun—A woman who only has sex with the lights turned off.

Big breasts, lean thighs and flat tummies initially attract men. Being comfortable with what your mama gave you and letting loose in the bedroom is by far the biggest turn-on. Weight can turn into a big no-sex-tonight excuse.

Checklist #3 Do you tell your partner what you honestly like or do not like about your sex life? ___Fun—A woman who knows her body and can tell or show her partner.

___Not Fun—A woman who is silent in bed yet gets frustrated because her partner is not satisfying her the way she would like.

I really feel for men here. There is an unspoken expectation that men should know every which way to please a woman. A woman needs to know how to please herself before she can expect someone else to please her. Communicating what you want means being open and vulnerable and it also means taking a risk. That is a scary proposition for any person. However, the benefits will far outweigh any scary part.

Checklist #4 Do you pretend to enjoy yourself? ___Fun—A woman who doesn’t wait for her partner to provide her entertainment. She’s quite capable of pleasuring herself, thank you very much.

___Not Fun— A woman who fakes orgasm and/ or her level of enjoyment so her partner will finish more quickly.

Can you imagine if you took all that energy and used it to concentrate on what was going on instead of faking? You might just find some enjoyment.

Checklist #5 Do you let your man visually explore and watch? Can you self pleasure in front of him? ___Fun—A woman who understands that men are visual creatures and allows her guy to look unabashedly at every nook and cranny on her body as well as whatever she is up to.

___Not Fun—A woman who hides under the covers and is uncomfortable touching her own body.

Checklist #6 Do you use sex as a weapon? ___Fun—A woman who feels in control of her mind, body and finances.

___Not Fun—A woman who tries to force, manipulate and control her relationship by withholding sex or having sex to get what she wants.

For thousands of years women equated sex with power. Emancipation created economic equality; unfortunately many women have not caught up sexually. Using sex as a way to get power means everyone comes out a loser.

So how did you do with the checklist? Congratulations if you mostly answered “fun”. Now what can you do to take the fun factor up a notch?

You may have noticed that this checklist mostly boils down to your attitude. Guys find a woman with a positive, devil-may-care attitude extremely sexy. Which is great because you don’t have to be a porn star to turn him on. His biggest aphrodisiac is you being willing, able and up for any sex adventure.

So the next time you have sex, think about what you are doing to make the sex fun. Go ahead, shake what your mama gave you.

dr. trina

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This article was published on Thursday 21 December, 2006.