My fiancée and I broke up last month. I was blindsided and devastated and don’t know how to handle it. I’m in college and I see her around all the time so it makes it extra painful. The only thing I can do to forget about it is sit there with my friends, feel like shit, and drink. I’m sure they’re sick of me bitching about it 24-7. The thing is that the drinking isn’t helping as much as it used to and I’m starting to think I have a problem. I used to be so much happier and had so much going for me. How can I get my life back together?
Ted, Arkansas
First things first. If you think you seriously have a drinking problem, you should see someone about that or just stop drinking with the hopes that it will solve your problems. Alcohol may be a distraction, but it’s not a problem solver. I’ve been down that road myself and can tell you that it just prolongs the hurting and delays the healing process.
You have to let that go. The two of you had dreams and unfortunately, those specific dreams are over. Now it’s time to find and make new dreams. It’s difficult to think about, but that is what has to be done. Whether you are ready for it or not, I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like it from what you’ve said here. It sounds like your friends are being very supportive, so invest more time in them without bringing her up. Become closer with your family. Try harder in your classes. Focus energy on anything else but thinking about the two of you. Just go have fun, enjoy college, and be guys. I think you can get back into that routine faster than you think.
Whether you believe that everything happens for a reason or that everything happens and we find the reason, someday you’ll look back on this and be grateful it turned out like this. I know that seems ridiculous right now when you’re emotionally involved to the level you are, but I know it’s the truth.
Good luck in your healing process.
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This article was published on Saturday 16 October, 2010.
