After almost 15 years, I left my wife so I could be with the man who is now my boyfriend. He and I have been together for quite some time now but I'm not really sure he's the one for me. I'm gay but part of me wants to reconcile things with my wife since it didn't work out with him. How much longer do I give him before I give her a call?
- N.T., San Diego, CA
First, let me congratulate you on making such a bold decision despite how difficult it must have been. There are countless men and women "living the lie" that you were living. Hopefully they have your courage and make the best decision for their lives.
Now, I am sure that the life you lived with your wife had a certain level of social comfort. You also likely experienced internal conflict in your life at that time. Life after your decision to leave your wife hasn't automatically been what you thought it might be, but that doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. I think you're overlooking something important here: you didn't leave your wife because of this specific man you met; you left her because you're gay!
He may have been the medium in which you found the strength and rationale to do it, but that may have been it.
You've been out of the dating world for a long time, so you might not remember this - it's tough. Finding someone to be with long-term is difficult for nearly everyone. However, even if you end your relationship with your current partner, you're still far better off than you were.
If you don't believe your current partner is the one for you, my suggestion is that you end that relationship and take some time to get to know the new you. You're likely in your 40s or 50s and are just getting started in your journey as a gay male. Take some time to get to know who you are and when you're ready to extend yourself into a relationship, try it out. Date, have fun, and best of luck!
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This article was published on Sunday 24 October, 2010.