I'm HIV positive. How can I still have a good sex life?

Dear Positive, but not Negative,

First, thank you for seeking safer sex information on how to further protect yourself and your partners. It’s great you realize you can still have an enjoyable and satisfying sex life even though you are HIV positive.

You didn’t mention whether your partners were male, female, or both, so I’ll respond trying to be inclusive of all sexual orientations.

There are many sensual (and highly satisfying) acts that we can do with another individual that carry no risk of HIV transmission. Remember, we are sexual beings from the ends of our hair to the tips of our toes.

We can give our partner a sensual massage, have a hot ‘make out’ session, or feed them an erotic meal. Becoming more intimate, we can masturbate our self or our partner.

When it comes to HIV transmission and sex we have to be aware of our bodily fluids. The HIV virus is present in blood, semen, vaginal fluid, and breast milk. Any time an HIV infected fluid gets into our bloodstream we are at risk of becoming HIV positive.

For guys, it’s important to use condoms anytime you do anything sexual, including oral sex. Individuals are at risk if they have little cuts in their mouth (from flossing their teeth, etc.) and if pre-ejaculatory fluid or ejaculate is present on the penis.

Experts used to say that you could swallow ejaculate because the stomach acids would kill the HIV virus. New reports suggest this may not be true. So, always use condoms for oral.

The same is true for oral sex on a woman. Dental dams (or a condom cut down the center) should be used to protect both partners.

When it comes to penis-vagina and penis-anus sex, individuals (whether HIV positive or not), should always use condoms to protect both people. The vaginal and/or rectal canal can have little cuts, which are open to the bloodstream and can easily transmit HIV.

And for all you women out there that like women, you should be using condoms on your sex toys if you are sharing them with a loved one.

Positive, but not Negative, and anyone else out there regardless of your HIV status, you really need to be using condoms. Condoms can be fun, sexy, and erotic. Finding a way to incorporate condoms into your sex life that makes them hot and not a chore will make them a lot easier to use.

And remember, condoms aren’t 100% effective. They do break occasionally. Using a generous amount of lubricant for all of these acts will not only make sex more enjoyable, but it will also reduce the likelihood of breakage.

So Positive, but not Negative, you certainly can enjoy a fantastic sex life. Follow these suggestions and you and your partners will be safer.

Best regards,

Dr. Brian Parker