Trina's Point

At what point in the relationship does the guy stop caring about romance? Is it the moment where he will no longer kiss her if she has lipstick on? Or is it when his full frontal genital scratching is unabashedly on display?

Brian, guys don’t seem to get that as a relationship matures, he needs to up the romance pleasure stakes. Instead, guys seem to take ten steps backwards in the romance department.

Accounts from many a woman reveal when she first got together with her guy, his daily love-emails would take up her entire Inbox. Oodles of flowers would fill up her house or office. “You’re so beautiful” would be liberally sprinkled into every conversation. Of course with all of this magnificent attention she felt like a goddess and not surprisingly looked for every opportunity to have sex with this guy who adored her.

Only a few short months later, she goes on to tell me, her knight in shining armor’s romance quotient seemed to have expired and his ability to woo turns into a romance no man’s land. No love notes, only occasional “I love you” email, almost zero compliments even when she takes the time and effort to get dolled up. Plus there’s the whole, I won’t kiss you with lipstick on thing.

Now I’m not saying men need to run to their local shi-shi girly store and stock up on candles, wine and massage oil—although that would be nice. But guys if you’re wondering why the intensity and excitement in your sex has waned, it’s because you’re not putting as much effort into making a great space for the two of you.

Instead of feeling like a goddess, she now feels like every average gal on the street in all her romance deficient blah-ness. And then guys loudly pontificate how their sex is blah. This really isn’t rocket science Brian.

Women crave romance so much any little bone you throw at us is much appreciated. A dinner out, unexpected flowers, lighting some candles at supper time. Don’t wait for her to suggest it. Get off your duff and just do it.

Guys want to be considered a stud. Women love, love, love the attention. True romance gives sex wonderful energy. So if everything about romance is so gosh darn wonderful Brian, why does he stop?

Brian's Counterpoint

Okay, okay, I admit guys could use a bit of a tune up in the romance department. The honest truth is… guys don’t ‘get’ romance.

In fact, a recent O’My survey found that 68% of you girls and only 51% of us men said they were romantic.

It’s not that guys don’t enjoy quality one-on-one time with their girls, because they do. A Seagrams’ study found that 73% of men would prefer to spend a romantic evening at home than a night out with their buddies.

Trina, I know you and your girlfriends are confused about your dude’s exodus from love notes and flowers, but guys are just following the normal phase of any intimate relationship.

When a dude is ‘in love’ he is not his normal self. He walks around in a daze, as if his lady has cast some wicked love spell on him.

Guys are giddy, playful, and totally head over heels in love with their ladies when they first meet. But, this “honeymoon” phase eventually ends and they revert back to that emotionless, caveman-like persona they were taught at a very young age.

Another problem with romance, from a guy’s perspective, is that things like flowers, chocolate fondues, strawberry bubble baths and lavender massage oils are ‘girly.’ And, I can bet your dude doesn’t want to show up at the shop smelling ‘sweet.’

Many guys still follow the masculinity social script. It’s hard for them to veer off, even just a bit, even if he really loves you.

And Trina, you and your sisters out there have probably realized that guys and girls view romance differently. Guys quite often equate romance with sex. Have you ever tried to give your hubby a nice relaxing massage without him trying to turn it into a sex fest?

But just because your guy deleted 1-800-SEND-FDT from his cell phone, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.

Guys have different ways of expressing their love towards you girls. His way might be to wash your car or get the kids out of your hair for awhile.

So Trina, I’ve compiled a couple of tips for couples to keep their relationship romantic. But, you girls better take the reigns on this one because a guy wouldn’t know a romantic tip if came up and knocked off his trucker’s cap.

Tell your partner what you find romantic and ask the same of them. Take turns planning romantic evenings or weekends together. Marking them on the calendar helps both individuals remember. Use your imagination and don’t be afraid to try something new.

Long-term couples should continue going on dates. Movies, dinners, plays, sports, whatever you both like doing as a couple will keep you closer together.

And remember, romance isn’t just for Valentine’s day.