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How do I talk about sex toys to my partner?

Dear Sex Doc,

I’m interested in using sex toys, but I don’t know how to suggest it to my boyfriend. I just know he’s going to take it personally even though I always tell him our sex is great. How do I bring the topic up with him?

Buzz Word

Dear Buzz Word,

I always recommend that people don’t talk about sexual concerns in the bedroom (especially after something goes wrong). Your boyfriend may assume that you need a toy because he isn’t good enough for you.

Most guys think that sliding their penises in and out is enough for their women. What most men don’t know is that many women don’t orgasm through penis-vagina sex.

You may want this toy to reach the big O or you may just want to turn your bedroom into a sexual playground. Either way, it’s cool for you to want to use toys.

When bringing up the topic of sex toys be light-hearted and playful. I know you already tell him the sex is great, but reassure him that he is a stud in the sack. When he’s all gushy, tell him you feel a toy will make sex that much better.

When it comes to introducing sex toys into a relationship it is best to start with something light. Before bringing a monster dong or vibrator into the relationship, you may want to use massage oils, edible creams, feather ticklers, or a sexual board game.

If you do want a dong or vibe, it is best to start with one that isn’t shaped like a penis. There are many wonderful external vibrators on the market that don’t even look like sex toys.

I don’t think you’ll have too many problems convincing your guy to bring a play toy into the bedroom. Most men enjoy spicing up their sex lives with toys. I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic you want to explore them.

Best regards,

Dr. Brian Parker

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This article was published on Tuesday 20 March, 2007.

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