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What Does It Really Mean If A Guy Says "I Love You"?
I have loved a guy for literally years. I've watched him date all these different women during that time and just sat by watching him make mistake after mistake. A few months ago I approached him with my feelings. Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same way. What was confusing is that he said he loved me, but not like that. What does that mean? Love is love, isn't it?
- A.S., Omaha, NE No. There are all kinds of love. Though it's not true, there is an old saying that Eskimos have something like 100 words for snow. Wet snow, icy snow, snow you can build with, snow that doesn't stick, etc. That's not too bad of an idea. We have a concept that's almost infinitely more complex - love - and we have one word for it. Are we talking about a romantic love between two partners? Do we mean a familial love between mother and son? Do we mean an appreciative love where someone has done something so incredibly meaningful for someone that the person feels eternally thankful, appreciates, and loves another? How about two friends who have known each other for years and have been through an immense amount together? There are almost as many types of love as there are combinations of people and their experiences. You are certainly telling the truth when you say that you feel some kind of romantic love for this guy, but his disclosure of how he feels about you was just as truthful. I'm sure it hurt when you heard that he didn't feel the same way about you. It takes a lot of courage to approach someone with your feelings, especially after being around him for all of these years without saying anything about it. But now you're going to have to decide if you want to focus on what you do have or focus on what you don't have. It sounds to me like the two of you are still close and he does care for you a great deal, just not in the way that you want him to.
If it's too painful for you to be close to someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings, then by all means do what you have to do to emotionally move on. But if you can accept the fact that it's difficult to find someone in this world that you care so much about and you're lucky to have done so, then appreciate what you have and communicate with him to find some sort of adjustment that works for the two of you. It's your choice. This article was published on Saturday 16 October, 2010. |
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