What can I can do so I don't get a sexual dsyfunction?

Dear Positively Sexual,

Think you’ll never step foot in a sex therapist’s office? Think again. Sexual dysfunctions are more common than you might think. A 1999 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that 31% of men and 43% of women between the ages of 18 and 59 had experienced a sexual problem in the last year. Sexual dysfunctions are usually defined as a regular lack of interest or pain during sex or persistent problems achieving orgasm, erections, or lubrication.

Sexual dysfunctions stem from either medical, psychological, or interpersonal problems and can cause unhappiness, frustration, and loss of self-esteem. Following is a list of the top ten ways to keep a sexual dysfunction from knocking at your door.

1. Diet & Exercise

If your genitals could talk they’d beg you to follow the Canadian Food Guide and to exercise regularly. A well balanced diet will make you feel better and lower your blood pressure and cholesterol. Caffeine freaks should know that caffeine in coffee, tea, and cola drinks have been found to lower libido. Regular exercise, however, decreases your blood pressure and keeps blood vessels healthy, including the ones in the precious groin area. A number of studies have found that men who exercise regularly have the lowest risk of erectile dysfunction. Having a good body image will help you get into those kinky positions without worrying about what you look like hanging from the ceiling. So now that your sex life is at stake you’d better get to the gym.

2. Stop Smoking

Remember the picture of the ‘limp’ cigarette on the package of your favorite smokes? If there ever was an image that should turn men off smoking this is it. However, millions continue to risk dead dick just for a nicotine fix. Taking a puff is as bad for the arteries that support the genitals as it is for those that nourish the heart. As well, it looks like smoking could decrease sexual arousal levels in women.

4. Increase Your Sex PLAY

Routine sex is as BORING as plain toast. Over time, couples fall into regular intimacy patterns and usually don’t allow room for experimentation. Dr. Laurie Betito, a psychologist and sex therapist, says that “marriage takes work and much of this work also takes place in the sexual realm.” Betito tells clients to keep a certain freshness to their sex lives and to experiment with positions, locations, toys, and the time of day you have sex.

3. Reduce Stress / Decrease Anxiety

Those crazy in-laws may have you pulling out your hair, but they could also affect your sex life. Stress and anxiety caused from problems including your job, finances, or family may be putting your sex life on hold. When you’re stressed and anxious you’re often not interested in getting it on. Worse, stress and anxiety can cause the ol’ vagina to dry up like the Sahara in a 100-year drought and make it very difficult for men to get wood. Men and women can both suffer from performance anxiety, although men are much more likely, which can cause problems in the bedroom. Dr. Laurie Betito, who also hosts a radio talk show on CJAD in Montreal, says that “when real life sets in, and the stress of every day life invades us, we must make special efforts to keep our intimate/sexual relationship going.”

5. Self-Pleasuring

How many kids grew up hearing “an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” Well, we should be telling adults that “a Jack or Jill off a day keeps the sex therapist away!” The muscles, arteries, and tissues of the genitals work best when they are exercised regularly. Janice M. Epp, Ph. D., who has a clinical sexology practice in Palo Alto, California regularly endorses pleasuring oneself to her male and female clients. Dr. Epp says that “self-pleasuring provides the basic ‘grounding’ for our sexuality. It’s how we learn about our sexual response and how we stay in touch with our desires and needs. In addition to being just plain fun, it’s also an opportunity to check in with your body in a very profound way.”

6. Lack of Sleep / Fatigue

If you’re kept awake into the wee hours of the night due to your partner’s snoring or farting it will inevitably affect your sex life. Lack of sleep can cause vaginal dryness and erectile difficulties. Getting a good night’s sleep will not only make you feel better throughout the day, but it will also make you a dynamo in the bedroom.

7. Sexual Communication

Too scared to talk about sex? You better learn; having better sexual and nonsexual communication with your partner will improve sexual satisfaction and sexual functioning. Dr. Betito tells people to “talk about what you like, what you don’t like, and what feels good. Know your body, and share this information with your partner.” Dr. Epp, professor at The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, reveals that “anything as important as sex should be talked about – often.”

8. Decrease Alcohol/Recreational Drug Consumption

The more you drink, inhale, snort, or inject into your body the higher the chances of getting whiskey dick or ‘pink lady’ vulva. Excessive consumption of alcohol or recreational drugs affects sexual physiology either by a direct effect on the genitals or by decreasing testosterone levels, which of course affects our sex drive. Research has found that barbiturates can cause disorders of desire, while narcotics can cause orgasmic dysfunction.

9. Underlying Relationship Issues

No relationship is perfect. We all suffer from issues or problems that affects our relationship. However, unresolved issues or conflicts outside of the sexual realm can easily make their way into the bedroom. Common issues among couples include extra-marital affairs, financial problems, and past or present physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. Couples may also have differing levels of sexual desire or commitment to each other. They may even have different expectations about sexual fulfillment, all of which put extra strain on intimate aspects of their relationship. Resolving your issues will make your relationship smoother and your sex life better.

10. Sexual Self-esteem

Even though sex is ever present in all forms of media, messages we receive are often negative. Women should be sexy, but not too sexually experienced. Men are not real men unless they have a rock hard dick at any age. It is difficult to have a positive self-image of our sexuality under these circumstances. However, our sexual self-esteem plays a key role in how we see ourselves in and out of bed. Remember that you are a sexual being and the higher your sexual self-esteem the happier you’ll be in all aspects of your life.

Although this list is not exhaustive, it will help keep sexual dysfunctions away. Good sex is fun and pleasurable, but it takes work. Most individuals who seek sex therapy just need some basic sex education about sexual anatomy and physiology, sexual functioning, and sexuality with aging. So put a little effort into your sex life. You won’t be disappointed.

Best regards,

Dr. Brian Parker