What Can I Do To Put My Sex Life Back To Normal?

There are few things as difficult as dating the survivor of any type of abuse. The unpredictability and uniqueness of each situation is nearly impossible to predict and even when you think you have a handle on it, it can appear once again. It's a tough situation because you have to sacrifice the idea of having the "normal" kind of relationship you've had in the past until your partner reaches the point where they are able to do that with you.

Truthfully, I'm surprised you are even getting erections at all since you're receiving so many negative signals and experiences from your partner. You've lived your whole life with a certain type of partner and a certain type of sexual activity and here you are in a situation unlike any you've been in. You know you don't like it but you feel guilty for feeling that way. That's a lot of pressure for anyone to deal with. There is a certain paradox here in the sense that you are trying to play the role of the strong one but you feel badly about having a sex drive, you feel badly about the relationship, you feel worried for your partner, you feel helpless, and you feel as guilty for trying to enjoy something that hurts her. This isn't a good place for you to be. You need to make some changes here.

First, you have to make sure her medications and therapy are correct and working for her. If it's been decided that medication is a route she wants to follow, then make sure all medications have been discussed and the both of you are aware of all the options you have with them. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, she needs to be seeing the right therapist. Many therapists are not sure how to treat these issues. What are their goals? Is your partner fully expressing how she feels in their sessions? Would the two of them be open to you attending a few sessions to understand the dynamic and express concerns you may have?

Secondly, you may want to get some help for yourself. If counseling isn't for you, seek out or start a support group. Unfortunately, this sort of thing is more common than one would think and there are many people in similar situations to yours. If you're not comfortable attending a support group alone, bring along someone else in her life that has been affected by her past.

It's not selfish for you to feel worried by this; your happiness is naturally important to you. If she's not ready, can't visualize a healthy sex life somewhere in her future, and every part of this situation isn't working just right, you're likely fighting an uphill battle that you'll never win. It will not be easy, but if your partner is truly ready to work on sexuality becoming a positive thing in her life, you can succeed.