Dear Analyzing Anal,

I’m not sure if you are male or female or of your sexual orientation so I’ll answer this question so it is inclusive of both sexes and all sexual orientations.

There are a number of ways to make anal sex more fun for both partners. The most important thing is COMMUNICATION. Learn to talk about having anal sex before you try it.

My general rule of thumb is… if you can’t talk about it you shouldn’t be doing it! So start talking about the joys of anal play before you start to experiment with it.

The receptive person is the one in control. The penetrative partner has to always be responsive to their partner’s needs.

Just like with S & M activities, a couple may want to use a safe word. When the receptive partner says something like “pizza,” the penetrative partner needs to stop immediately.

The receptive individual may also want to make sure their backside is somewhat clean. I don’t recommend anal douching or enemas since it can cause little rips or tears in the rectum, which may lead to irritations or worse, infections.

You can cleanse your rectal cavity by having a bowel movement before you do the nasty. It would probably be a good idea to hop in the shower as well. You can also stick your finger in your rectum and remove any excess waste.

LUBE, LUBE, and more LUBE. When it comes to anal play, there is no such thing as too much lube. The rectum doesn’t naturally lubricate like the vagina so always use a generous serving of water-based or silicone-based lube.

For anal play, a thicker water-based lube or a silicone-based lube is generally preferred. Never use oil-based lubes in the rectum, with or without condoms. Although, you should always be using rubbers for anal because there are many STIs (including HIV) which can be transmitted.

Before having anal sex, it is advisable to warm up the ROSEBUD with a little MASSAGE. Start externally with circular motions around their anus. Slowly, insert a finger or anal toy into the rectum. When the rectum is dialated enough, a penis (or sex toy) can be inserted slowly.

It helps when the receptive partner is completely RELAXED, which might be easier said then done. What generally makes anal sex hurt is getting past the anal sphincter muscles. These are designed to let things pass out, not in. After passing the sphincter the sensations get much more pleasurable for both partners.

If we are talking about sex with a penis there are a few positions that can make anal sex easier for the receptive partner. Anal sex is generally easier from behind either with the receptive partner on their tummy with the man on top or in the doggy-style position.

Having the receptive individual on top is another good way to smoothly get a penis in the rectum with less difficulty. The person on top has better control in this position and can slide down on the penis at their own pace. These positions are generally good to go for playing with anal sex toys as well.

So, if you’re going to experiment with anal play, I hope you follow my suggestions. It will make your experience a whole lot better.

Best regards,

Dr. Brian Parker