Will My Relationship With A Selfish Boyfriend Worked Out?

I can't help you there. Nobody really can. What you've done is fall for someone who just can't love you back. We somehow think that everyone is capable of love, but it's like anything else: some are in better position to do it than others. There is certainly such a thing as emotional health, and it sounds to me like he's not healthy enough to be in a relationship with someone.

Almost all of us experience this at one time or another. I dated a girl for years who I always thought was "this close" to being just right for me. I thought if I could just get her to stop doing things that hurt me, she'd be perfect. And when I worked that out to my satisfaction, I could see that she kept doing really selfish things. When I'd rationalized that away somehow, I noticed that she lied all the time. And when I somehow cleared that out of the way, there was really nothing left to her. That's all she was: a selfish liar who didn't care who she hurt. I loved the thought of "us" but I realized that there was no "us" to speak of once our problems were stripped away.

For much too long, all I was doing was talking myself into looking past all those things and loving her, which was not only at the expense of logic, but also self-respect. Self-respect is so important in our development, no matter our age. I can only wonder where I'd be today if I hadn't wasted all my time trying to fix something that couldn't be fixed and talking myself into somebody.

So I, as well as probably everyone reading this, understand that your tendency is to want to save this kind of person. After all, you've seen it work so you know the good is in there somewhere, you've invested a lot of time into it, you may have had a high percentage of your sexual experiences with him, he has his good days, and so on. But if you want the truth, nobody will change just from you loving them. That's not love's nature. It's beautiful, it's fun, it's powerful and it's great, but it's not going to be an antivenin or panacea.

Stay with someone when you're in love with them. Not when you're in love with the idea of being in love with them.