About twenty years ago when I was in college I had a particularly hard break up. I thought that I’d be with this girl forever and I guess she didn’t see it that way since she was cheating on me the whole time we were together. At the time I took it very hard and buried myself in the bottle and also slept with anyone who came along. A lot of time has passed and I’m happily married and have no regrets about that old relationship ending. I love my wife ten times as much as that girl from college. The one thing I do regret is sleeping with anyone and everyone right afterwards. It makes me feel weak and like I was unable to come up with any other solution. Am I just being too hard on myself?
Ted, Boston
Probably. You hurt inside and felt unlovable to some degree. Things were out of your control and you needed to be able to have some control, even if it was a “only right here, right now” situation. Your mind wasn’t making you feel any better so you used physical attention and acceptance as a Band-Aid until you were able to work through the grieving process.
Hopefully when things go unfavorably nowadays, you use something else beyond alcohol and new lovers to make yourself feel better. You probably realize now that neither are good solutions.
As for now, relax. What’s done is done and you’re enjoying your love and life today and that’s much more important than something you did twenty years ago.
Prev: Which Is More Important In The Long Run? Spark And Passion Or Co -
Up: Relationships -
Next: Why Is Sex Good After A Fight?
This article was published on Sunday 24 October, 2010.
