I just broke up with my girlfriend whom I had dated for 10 months. I suppose I should be sad and upset but I look at our relationship as a success even though it ended. I'm a better person, regardless. Is that normal or am I just heartless?
- Alex, Boston, MA
It doesn't really matter if it's normal, but you're on to something important here. Too often we see long-term liaisons, specifically marriage, as the goal of relationships. We associate the ending of relationships as some kind of failure or falling short of the ultimate goal of being together forever.
I look at it another way, and it sounds like you are on somewhat of the same page here. Every relationship we enter is an opportunity to love, fight and make up, risk, learn about yourself, learn about another person, get better at relationships, make memories, laugh, and grow as a person. Why aren't those good enough reasons to be in a relationship, whether it ends after 3 months or even 3 years?
If you look at marriage (or being with someone for the rest of your life) as the ultimate goal of relationship, then you will only "win" one relationship. Maximum. That sounds rather bleak to me.
Good for you that you look at your relationship and what you got out of it as an achievement, despite the fact that it's over. We should all be so insightful.
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This article was published on Saturday 16 October, 2010.
