I have a fantasy where I’m forced to have sex against my will. It’s bothered me for a long time but I did read that it’s a common fantasy for women to have. Why is that? Could it be that we were sexually abused when we were younger and this is our body’s way of remembering and making us deal with it?
Kathy T., VT
That’s probably not the case. This “safe rape” is indeed quite a common female fantasy, but it’s always hard for me to call it “rape” of any kind because the situations are incredibly different. Passionate and forceful sex that is ultimately about being in control and feeling pleasure is a far cry from a violent and painful sex that has nothing to do with being in control or feeling pleasure.
There is something enjoyable about giving up responsibility and control as someone you are into overpowers you and “forces” you to submit. You can give in to the idea and all hang-ups and “good girls don’t…” feelings are vanquished.
It’s also common for the opposite fantasy to be reported: you force him to have sex with you. This might be appealing because in real life, many women still feel that men hold a lot of social power.
Either way, it’s perfectly fine and normal to have this fantasy, but I suggest that you’re careful going through with it if you decide to do so. Many men would have no problem in playing this out, but they may have a problem deciding if you mean it if you’re telling them to stop for whatever reason.
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This article was published on Saturday 28 August, 2010.
