Give the Perfect Kiss

“The longer they wait, the better they like it.” Marlene Dietrich

During a lifetime, the average human will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend a total of two solid weeks kissing. That’s a whole lot of kissing. Yet, the first kiss we share with that someone special is, in my opinion, the most memorable kiss. Ever!

Kissing someone for the first time is not merely the meeting-up of two sets of lips. Oh no, no, no, no, sir. It is a highly anticipated, electric-charged fusion where thousands of nerve endings of the lips finally get together with another set of eagerly awaiting lips. It is a rare, magical, time-stopping moment.

If you are reading and retching, I would like to point out that I am a girl and live for this kind of emotional fodder. Apparently I am not alone. For hundreds of years, women have read page after page of romance novels just to reach the one pinnacle paragraph where the heroine and hero kiss for the first time. At the climax of every old movie show, when the two love-struck characters finally lock in a passionate embrace, I guarantee every gal watching will have exhaled a longing sigh.

While a mind-blowing kiss is what romance legends are made of, there are too many people who do not have a clue how to give a proper kiss. I know because I kissed at least half of them in my single days. My questionable kissing experiences have included: too much saliva guy, jack-hammer tongue, face-raper, lip and cheek biter, lips tightly pressed together while moving head in wild motions guy, and garlic-breath mouth. Just to name a few—ugh!

Yes these were memorable experiences, yet they pale in comparison to that single amazing first kiss. And when a good kisser is actually hunted down and captured, it becomes bragging rights and coffee room chatter.

All of this first kiss stuff is fine and dandy, but what happens if you have been with someone for a while and the magic of your first kiss is history? Or, thus far, you have yet to experience a really great first kiss? Well, my friends, it is the time of year when mistletoe abounds. The perfect mistletoe kiss is a wonderful and memorable holiday present you can give to your special someone.

But before our kissing lesson, we must have a little mistletoe history. Mistletoe, like the Christmas tree and holly, is an evergreen displayed during the Christmas season and symbolizes the eventual rebirth of vegetation to occur in the spring.

Apparently the custom of kissing under the branch originated with the Druids and other early Europeans. Mistletoe for those folks was sacred because it was associated with folklore and superstition and thought to cure many illnesses.

Closer to our century, mistletoe was hung up in farm houses and kitchens during the holiday season. Wanna-be suitors would have the once-a-year privilege of kissing a girl under the mistletoe and, in turn, plucking a berry from its bush. When all the berries were gone, the kissing privileges ceased.

I have not seen too much mistletoe hanging around for the last twenty years. I suppose with the over-the-top political correctness of our times, people want to avoid any mistletoe nightmares, like the office party urban legend where a gal is inadvertently under the mistletoe when some intoxicated buffoon comes over and makes her face look like a glazed jelly doughnut. Consensual mistletoe kissing is always the name of the game.

What is the perfect mistletoe kiss? First a little preparation is needed to create the romantic scene. Keep the mistletoe discreetly in your pocket, since trying to maneuver your partner to a specific overhead spot will be cumbersome. Remember to do a breath check prior—nothing like going in for a memorable kiss with breath that can melt paint. Finally, the key to any good kiss is not rushing but savoring the moment.

Catch your partner in an unexpected secluded spot—this works especially well when you are at a party. As you look into their eyes, pull out your sprig of mistletoe, put it over their head and give them a little smile. Slowly bring your head to theirs and tenderly rub the tip of your nose along the sides and bridge of their nose.

Then, with your lips just inches from theirs (so you can feel the hot breath on each other’s face), give them a gentle kiss. No tonguing, no extended kiss. Simply a soft… lingering… kiss. The best way to end the embrace is to place a second light kiss on or around their neck area. Pure magic.

It will become a snapshot in time that both of you will remember in the following months and years. Just like your first kiss.

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This article was published on Tuesday 11 December, 2007.