I’m a male in my 50s who wants to live a totally submissive life with my wife of 25 years. She’s naturally the dominant one in our relationship and makes most of the decisions and controls most aspects of our lives. A few years ago I let it be known to her that I secretly wore women’s clothing. She didn’t seem rattled at all, and in fact bought me a couple of pairs of panties. The trouble is that I told her about the cross-dressing so she would know that I was interested in exploring something further.
I have been slowly handing over my individuality and decision making to her over the last few years and now feel that I’m at the point where I want her to take total control of me. That has been the case sporadically over the last year or two and when it is that way, I am as happy as can be. However, like I said, it’s only sporadically, so I’m not happy all of the time. When I talk to her about it, she assures me that she is indeed of control of my life, but I disagree. To me it’s more than making decisions and paying the bills. I want complete submission. How can I get her to understand?
David, Leeds, UK
I think your wife already understands, David. On a “likely to freak out” scale of 1-10, telling your wife that you’ve been hiding the fact that you wear women’s clothing from her (for over 20 years!) has to be a good, solid 8. Not only did she not freak out, but supported your routine by buying you panties. As you have slowly surrendered more and more of yourself, it sounds to me that she’s accepted this load and managed to make your relationship work.
Being a dominant in the sense you want her to be requires a lot of physical and emotional energy and effort. When you take all the stresses of work, social life, money, the home, kids, etc., there are people in this world who can’t handle just their individual responsibilities and they crack. What you’re asking your wife to do is handle two sets of those pressures. Not everybody is cut out to do that, regardless if they are just naturally dominant.
I think what you want from your wife is all well and good to desire, but the reality of it is that you are losing sight of one of the main concepts of marriage. Dominant or not, she married you to be your life partner in some aspect, not just your boss and caretaker. Enjoy what she gives you and savor those special, though sporadic, moments.
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This article was published on Thursday 12 August, 2010.
