I'm 26 and single. I admit my dating life has been less than great lately, but I'm attractive and smart and just chalking it up to being picky. While I only want to date men, I find it is hard for me to masturbate to anything but women. I enjoy watching girl on girl, but when I watch girl on guy [porn] I find myself only watching her.
Fantasize about this? So? The fantasy of being with another woman is completely arousing and it is almost the only image to which I masturbate. Is this normal for other girls my age? Sometimes I feel dirty and paranoid that other young women don't have these fantasies and it worries me. It also makes me doubt the fact that I love men, which I do. I would never want to be in a relationship with another [woman], but I fear fantasizing about them will interfere with my sex life with men and make me less [attracted] to them. I've found it is harder to orgasm with a man in person than it is when I masturbate to a woman in private. How can I change this?
Lacy, Destin, FL
Change it?
Don't change something that works for you. There's absolutely nothing abnormal about this.
Masturbation is usually the place where people freely and openly explore their fantasies. This is important because sometimes there are hints about who you are as a sexual being and what you may enjoy with an actual lover. Other times, they have nothing to do with your actual life and are only enjoyable to you in the area of fantasy.
One of the great things about fantasies is their safety. In your case, you can place yourself in a fantasy that you might not consider in your actual life because you and your fantasy partner(s) are safe from harm. There is not a problem with a conservative family not understanding what their daughter is doing, no problem with friends asking you why you simply don't only like males like they do, or any other groundless societal judgment.
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This article was published on Saturday 14 August, 2010.
