I’m a faker. I consistently fake orgasms, but here is the catch: they’re with my *girlfriend* which makes it worse. After all, women are supposedly better at making other women orgasm. I’ve decided to be honest with my girlfriend and tell her because I am sick and tired of faking them. I want the real thing! I have had them in the past but she just hasn’t done it for me yet. Any advice on how I can fix this sticky situation?
- Jackie, Valdosta, CA
Though it seems that you get it now, I can’t stress enough what a mistake this is. There are countless women out there who have faked.
If A+B+C = O one time, why would your partner ever want to change an equation they think is a winner? If you have set it up to where the equation is actually A+B+C = Fake O, then you’re setting yourself up for the same routine because your partner thinks something is happening that is not.
I can understand the difficulty in telling them, but you’ve created this problem and it’s your responsibility to undo it. So kudos to you in the sense that you’ve finally decided to come clean. If your partner isn’t doing it for you, it’s the best to tell them as soon as possible. It will likely get harder and harder and be more and more upsetting to them the more time goes by.
It’s probably the case that you didn’t want to make your partner feel sexually inadequate, so the two worst times to tell them are during an emotionally charged scene and during sex. Those are two very vulnerable times where we’re not really using the logical, understanding parts of our brains.
Maybe schedule a dinner or some activity the two of you enjoy and explain to them whatever your situation is. Did you just like her so much that you wanted to make her feel like a sexual goddess right away? Was she just trying so hard that you didn’t want to let her down? Are you more of a clitoral fan even though she’s a master of finger penetration? Everyone has their reason, but explain it in a way that isn’t menacing or attacking what might be one of the central themes of their sexuality.
You’re probably in a good situation because you know you’ve been capable of orgasming with other partners. This is just going to be a matter of letting your current partner know what your equation is.
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This article was published on Saturday 16 October, 2010.
