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How Effective Are Dating Seminars?I’ve always been one of the smartest people in my social circle. I always just “get it” and always have. I never had a problem with school, no problem landing a high-paying job, and no real problem with any challenge with anything set before me. That is, except for women. I’ve read all kinds of books on them and even studied them in social settings. I can finally approach them without any problem but I can’t seem to keep them interested for any length of time. I am not sure if they can tell I’m smarter than average and are intimidated by that or if the topics of our conversation are too advanced for them. I’ve been thinking about attending a dating seminar but I’m not sure how it will go. How effective are those programs?
- Patrick T., NJ It seems to me that almost every guy I’ve ever talked to who is clearly intelligent has struggled with this issue or something similar. The problem is that when you’re intelligent, you have certain advantages over the average person. Usually you do things right, you come up with ideas to solve problems, and since you’re usually right and can use your mind to your advantage, when something doesn’t go your way everything seems amiss. The problem is that when it comes to relationships with women, the tools you usually use to problem solve and get your way aren’t effective. Most intelligent people look for solutions that come from acquiring more information. The problem is, you can get all the information you want in this arena and it doesn’t matter. This isn’t the same as learning how to install a gasket in an engine. There is no step-by-step process that will lead to success every time. First, each situation is so specific that Second, the results aren’t repeatable - what works with one woman isn’t guaranteed to work with the next. How discouraging! In my experience, you need to have two things going for you. 1) You need a good set of social skills, which aren’t something you can learn or read in any book. You might be able to get a general concept from somewhere but eventually you’re going to have to put it into play and develop it on your own. If you haven’t taken the time to do this, you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle. You need to learn how to adapt to any conversation and any situation. 2) You have to stop talking about intelligent things, at least at first. When you’re with your friends, they might care how you used Drake’s Equation to estimate that there are 11 intelligent civilizations within 4752 light years from Earth. Most women won’t. Your friends probably won’t want to talk about how Justin Timberlake has hooked up with Cameron Diaz, Janet Jackson, Jessica Biel, and Scarlett Johansson, all within the last two years. A lot of women will. Who does that Timberlake think he is, anyway?
That isn’t to say that women don’t enjoy intelligent conversation. They certainly do. But that isn’t the vibe that most women want to feel from you initially. Most women want to talk about things that make them feel a certain way, not things that make them think a certain way. As a general rule, you should try to be seen as interesting at first, then intelligent later. This article was published on Sunday 24 October, 2010. |
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